They started Eme on a very slow intestinal drip – 5 ml/hr (the equivalent of 1 teaspoon of formula dripped over an hour). The thought is the bowel is less likely to translocate bacteria & infect the blood stream with even the smallest trickle of food moving through it. We’ll see…
Emerson does not look well today. Yesterday she was awake & wanting to get out of here. Today she has barely opened her eyes. She even fell asleep during a bladder catheterization! I don’t know what’s going on. Could this small amount of feeds be upsetting her tummy? Maybe… Is something else brewing? That’s a possibility too. For now we just watch & wait. My gut tells me the two most likely culprits are 1) she’s having an adrenal crisis & needs stress dose steroids, or 2) she’s getting septic. Please pray it’s not that – I’m not sure I have it in me to get through another round of sepsis. They’re drawing blood for repeat labs and cultures now.
I’m okay… just okay. I’m exhausted trying to find a suitable place for Bandit, among other things. It’s not fair to leave him at home alone all day & is certainly not fair to kennel him either. I drove back & forth to the hospital twice through the middle of last night, feeling very torn between Eme & the puppy – sounds silly, I know, but they both need me. As a result, I wound up with less than 5 hours sleep – 2 at the hospital & about 2 ½ at home. Luckily I found a very generous friend (thanks to another very generous friend) who has offered to take him. She owns a doggy day care here in Omaha. She plans to let him play during the day & take him home with her at night. I’m so thankful for her! I surely will miss the little guy – he’s such a sweetheart – but will be comforted to know he’s in good hands!
Overall, I’m running on empty. I honestly thought this time we’d really be going home. I really believed she could stay outpatient 3-4 weeks. Now I don’t know if it’s even ever possible. Certain people here remain optimistic, others not so much so. The truth, though, is no one knows. I don’t know how to make decisions like this. I don’t know how to live like this. I want more for us… more for her &, quite frankly, more for me too.