Below the blogs, I do agree with Lori from CO, someone wrote trying to put all blames on YOU that hit and upsetted me and I prayed so harder for you and Emerson and now I found out it is little better for today! I hope it stays improving slowly, so we still pray for you both to go home next month or maybe earlier so you could be closer to the boys and Jim can spend lots of times visiting Emerson that might brighten her up and improve her health, I hope so! Emerson really misses her own dad and brothers. Just pray for her life to be saved and improved back to normal child again! Yes, it is best idea to have respite care and home nursing support for Emerson that would help a lot! Yes you make lots of appointments in CO to make sure they are prepared and to be ready for her arrival! I pray for Eme to stay so strong and well traveling back home to CO that would be nice and exciting event for Emerson and YOU, too! Erika, you remember we say so many times that you are the only best, wonderful, caring, loving, hard working mother who can dare fight for Emerson to stay so well and to feel better that Eme will thank you a lot when she gets older and understands why you have been fought for her to be saved. We keep praying, never giving up! You are the BEST mother I know for Emerson and for the great boys at home. Jim is so wonderful to support you 100% and he can do anything for you and gives you and Eme more pleasure like he does to your boys.
Someone wrote asking you to give the baby up, Erika, never listen to them or do not take their advices that means they did not care about sick children who need parents love and attentions, and you do right things to fight for your own baby which I won't give up praying, never!! Children in the world are very important to all caring people who wanted to help and to pray and to support everything. I will SAY ERIKA is the best adviser to us how to fight for the child's life we are learning so much mostly from you, Erika. Emerson is mostly very important sign for the angels to fly around and to encourage her to improve everyday with our prayers. God Bless all of you, the White Family. Love and Hugs, Joyce and Family

Glad things are looking a bit brighter this morning! You are doing an amazing job.
Wanted you to know I heard a commercial that they are opening an American Girl doll store at Park Meadows Mall. I know how much Eme enjoyed the one in Chicago and now there will be one close to home!!
Can't wait for you to be back home where you belong!

Both parents are doing what they need to do for Eme. It is the parents responsibility to take care of Eme ...after all the parents made them!

Oh, it was soooooo good to read your letter and see you in better spirits! I know everyone who knows your story will be praying and keeping their fingers crossed that next month all of you will be home in Colorado. If any child can do it, it is Eme...she is so special. EVERY ONE in your family is special, too. Jim has to be a saint to do what he has done. I can't imagine the pressure he feels everyday. Thank goodness you have the family you do!
Hope you are able to get some more rest...and Eme every hour is able to build some strength back up.
Prayers, Annette W

I couldn't say much better then Teresa below. I am so glad with some passed time that there is a plan - having a plan always seems better then just waiting and not knowing what is next. I will keep my fingers that everything moves forward and you are able to stick to your plan. You are all an amazing family. Each one of you have sacrificed in different ways its time that all of you have a break and get to bring Eme home. I know it won't be fun and games and it might not be bump free but what all of you have been though and what Eme is capable of is so incredible! You have shown her how badly you want her well by being by her side, Jim has shown her by taking care of a household and the boys without you and the boys have shown by lovingly giving their mom to Eme so she can get well and Eme has shown all of you how much she loves you by fighting harder then ever thought possible! Keep us informed! We are praying lots for you!!!
Also a question about the fund raisers. If Eme is going to be transfered will your in home care be covered or will you still pay out of pocket for that and if so will this account cover that? Could the cookbook still be created with monies going to your family for ongoing care of Eme?
Lisa

Ok Eme's angels it is time to fly this little girl and her mommy home to Colorado.

wow....home...to Colorado....Sshhhh....we will keep praying that this will happen for you both. It is time. Erika, I'm filled with so many emotions for you as you begin the journey to get home. It will definitely be a roller coaster of emotions for you but that is what you've lived on now for a very long time. Hang tough and no, your lives won't be the same but they will be 'together'. Thinking of you as always-xoxo

Remember, the doctors' job is to keep Eme's body alive at all costs. It's your and your husband's job to keep your family spirit alive. You will be able to do that so much better at home, where you belong. Living in a hospital is no way to spend years of your lives. Best of luck transferring as soon as possible.

Great to see you and Eme both feeling a little better today! I REALLY, REALLY hope that you'll be in Colorado soon! Hang in there, Eme!

Hang in there!!! YOu are doing great, Erika..even know it may not feel that way. That week at Disney, with her brothers, with her daddy, with you for your boys...was the best medicine that any doc could order. I know Kylie's strength comes from her sisters. I truely believe she is here today because of their love for eachother. If you can just get her home, those brothers of her will help her do amazing things!! Always in our prayers!! Love joan and Kylie

I have been reading your blog for a while, but have not commented. I will not even try to say I understand what you are going through, but you must know this. YOU did not cause anything. You took the time everyone needed as a family and made it happen. To be a family for the week and enjoy a most likely one in a lifetime opportunity, you ended up not cathing her 4x a day. But look at what you got for that week! Look at what your boys and Eme had for that week! Would you rather trade that all in and you and Eme stay in the normal hospital or the apartment for that week so that she could have been done 4x a day?
You said a while back that it is about the quality of life not the quantity. YOU gave her and the rest of the family that week the QUALITY of life. There should be NO guilt on that and in the end, this is bringing you to where you want to be right? Back to Colorado and back as a family all together? Giving your boys back their mom on a more regular basis?

So look back on the wonderful week that you had and look forward to what you are working for...getting both of you home to your family and Quality of life. Enjoy every moment of it and have NO regrets NO guilt about anything.

Teresa in NC

Erika,
Thank you for your honest words and the glimpse you give us of the life you've been handed. I'm happy to hear the team is on board and can't wait for the entry that says "We're on our way home!"

I've often wondered how Jim is handling all of this and wish that all women in this world could have someone as selfless as he has been. A Wonderful Father and an Amazing Husband! Jim, you too are an inspiration to us all!

Erika,
Undoubtably this journal is meant for you to put into print what is going on in the daily trials and tribulations you are going through. We have all stood by the sidelines and read and watched the ups and downs Eme and your entire family has gone through. Disney brought so much joy - I am so glad you could share that time with eachother and the pictures with us. I am so glad you found a man like Jim, because without the foundation of unconditional love and support, this journey would be very different. My hats off to your entire family for being there for eachother. The phrase in sickness & in health, has a much more literal meaning for you all. Wishing you all the success in moving home. Hoping one summer to see you all in Michigan.

I'm so sorry that someone even implied that you are somehow to blame for any of this- shame on them for making you feel at fault. You have gone above and beyond what most can even imagine. You are a fantastic mom doing an impossibly challenging job with grace. I am praying for clarity, healing and peace.

I will continue to pray for Em and your family. You have done such an amazing job, words can't describe. No one should ever be in the position you and Em are in. It is nuts! We keep you all in our thoughts. Stay strong.
cp: AvaAnn

You didn't cause the infection, the illness Eme was born with did. What you've done is fight every battle put in front if you in a courageous and awe inspiring way.

You allowed Eme to have one of the best weeks of her life, and your whole family got to share it together. That is a beautiful memory - don't let the doctor's careless words weigh heavy on you. For one, you had bronchitis and pneumonia, but even aside from that, she was happy, smiling, and enjoying her WISH. All children deserve to enjoy their wish.

And no Mom deserves to live in a hospital. I hope there's a way for Eme to go home - to your real home - with home health aides to come in an monitor her and help with her complicated med regimen and for you BOTH to be around the great boys in your life.

Peace and blessings to you.

Erika-I think you have experienced the hardest part of being a mom-tenfold. Being a parent, you will never have a moment where there isn't some kind of wishing you had done something different-or what would have happened if you did. The reality is, Eme's cath requirements would be hard for anyone to do, let alone having to do it to a 3 year old. I am baffled that someone would actually say this was your fault. Damn them. Eme has gotten a UTI under how many precautions? She had the trip of a lifetime in Disney World and I fully applaud and support that you did what you could while also having a great time, much needed and deserved, AND spednging it with your husband AND watching your boys light up at the experience. How much can one woman do??? You have defied what I couldn't even imagine.

Don't let them blame anything on you! Concentrate on listening and finding the answers for Eme and yourself. Everyone here is supporting you, no matter what decisions you make. Eme's body has been fighting for a long time and has a strength I've never seen, her soul is in His hands, and her heart is in yours.

Sending LOTS of LOVE and PRAYERS-we're all here for you.

Jeremiah 29:11 ~ For I know the plans I have for you "declares the Lord", plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Joshua 1:9 ~ "Have I not command you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrifed; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

Hi Erica. Sending you a hug! Your post made me think of the song "I'm With You" by Avril Lavigne. We're all with you in spirit and in prayer.

Lyrics:
I'm Standing on a bridge
I'm waitin in the dark
I thought that you'd be here by now
There's nothing but the rain
No footsteps on the ground
I'm listening but there's no sound

Isn't anyone tryin to find me?
Won't someone please take me home
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
but I'm, I'm with you

I'm looking for a place
searching for a face
is there anybody here i know
cause nothings going right
and everythings a mess
and no one likes to be alone

Isn't anyone tryin to find me?
Won't someone please take me home
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
but I'm, I'm with you

oh why is everything so confusing
maybe I'm just out of my mind
yea yea yea

It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
but I'm, I'm with you

Take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
but I'm, I'm with you
I'm with you

Take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
but I'm, I'm with you
I'm with you
I'm with you...

I read this yesterday- and while you are going through a storm no one else can understand, I hoped the sentiment might offer some comfort
"You do not need to tell God how big your storm is, rather tell the storm how Big your God is"
All things are possible with faith
And remember we all have faith in you and every decision you make for your family